Ramblings

I'm a little slow to get back to this, but, hey, it's only been a month rather than 6 weeks. My wife would tell you that I'm not always good about correspondence. Our first anniversary was June 26th and there are several thank you notes for wedding gifts still lying on my desk. Being married a year has caused me to evaluate our relationship. How are we doing? Is our marriage what we want it to be? Is it living up to our expectations? Or, more importantly, is it living up to what God expects?
Marriage is a serious subject for me. I grew up as child of divorce, several times over. My parents divorced when I was two, my mother's second divorce. My father remarried when I was five and my mother when I was nine and a half years old. Both of my stepparents had been divorced and each had children from their previous marriage. My mother divorced for the third time when I was 11 and my father when I was 14. I do have to add the caveat that my father and stepmother maintained a cordial(for them) relationship and were remarried to each other when I was twenty-one and remained married until my father's death when I was twenty-five. (If there's enough curiosity I can share the rest of this saga which is quite ironic.) Anyway, the marital havoc I witnessed as a child led me to soak up all the teaching I could on marriage, especially from a christian perspective. I'm still learning. As I thought about what I've read and more particularly what the script-ures have to say about marriage, one passage in particular has been stuck in my mind.

Ephesians 5:25-31 says
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind--yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. (NRSV)

The concept that I have been wrestling with is what it means for me to love my wife in such a way as to make her holy, so that she can be presented "in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind--yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish." And what does this have to do with me loving my body and/or myself? I confess hat I've never really thought about this before, nor do I recall hearing or reading any teaching that addresses this specifically. I understand that Paul's view of the church as the body of Christ lies behind verse 28 and indeed, behind the entire text, but... I'm still not clear on what this means for me when I get up tomorrow. I can even get the idea of nourishing and tenderly caring for my wife, the way I should my own body. (I'm working on this one currently.) This leads to more questions, however, like, "With what am I supposed to nourish her?" "Is there a food pyramid for our relationship or some kind of dietary guideline?" "Can someone even tell me what the food groups are?" And I am still left wondering how anything I do will serve to make my wife holy. I'm humbled and even scared that the bar is set so high. I can't even do much to make myself holy, let alone someone else, certainly not my wife, who lives with me every day and sees my every fault and more frequently suffers my imperfection than anyone ever has or will.
Father, creator God: All I know to do is pray and ask you for your wisdom. Holy Spirit, come and teach me what it means to love my wife. Lord Christ, live in me and through me so that I can love my wife as you loved the church. Help me to live in such a way that she is nourished and to care for her in such a way that she shines with holiness and purity. May my thoughts, words and actions toward her bring out the best that you have placed in her. Let our marriage bring glory and honor to you, God, most holy. Amen.