Recently, my daughter discovered a nest with baby birds in our church's parking lot. She placed a traffic cone nearby so no one would run over the nest.  

The next Sunday, I went over to check on the mother bird and her little ones.  Mama bird trilled loudly as I approached and then began waddling away dragging one wing as if it were injured.  This is common behavior for birds protecting their young; diverting a predator by pretending to be easier prey themselves.  

When I continued to get closer to the nest, Mama immediately flew to land between her babies and myself and began puffing herself up to look bigger and calling out even more shrilly than before.  I stopped and then left before Mama actually attacked me.

This got me thinking about people.  

I wonder how often wounded behavior is a distraction from something they don't want you to get close to?  

And how often does anger and posturing mask fear and vulnerability?

Remembering 9/11 not reliving it

16 years ago this morning I was driving north on I-25 in Denver  when I heard a radio report of a plane crashing into the World Trade Center.  I remember thinking that it must be a smaller craft that had lost control.  I arrived at work in time to see the flight 175 crash into the South Tower.  It was as if the world stopped for a moment.  The images of the collisions in NYC, DC and the crash site in Pennsylvania are seared on my memory along with random images of the aftermath.  
I remember going through the motions of work that day and the next wondering why the world couldn't just stop for a while.  We waited anxiously for word of loved ones living and working in NYC and at the Pentagon.  I listened as the contractors I supervised gave vent to their fear, frustration and helplessness.  Frequently, I heard outbursts of anger and threats to get "those people" whomever the speaker thought were responsible.  Mostly this was "the Muslims".   I understand the feelings.  I was more appalled by a coworker saying, "I wish I was an undertaker in New York City. I'd be rolling in it."  As I look back I think the increase in divisive rhetoric and scapegoating "those people" that we see today is rooted in the aftermath of 9/11.  
Today, I live off highway 65 in Buffalo, MO.  This morning, the tragedy I hear about on the news is Harvey and Irma and the havoc they've wreaked in Texas, Louisiana, Florida and South Carolina.  I wish there was more I could do to help.  Even more, I am aware of the tragedies in the community I live in where 25% of families have an income of less than $25,000 annually and over 34% of children live in poverty.  The county I live in has seen reports of domestic violence double in the last 5 years.  (Derived from County 911 call numbers for 2012-2016).  

 If possible, to the best of your ability, live at peace with all people. Don’t try to get revenge for yourselves, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath. It is written, Revenge belongs to me; I will pay it back, says the Lord. Instead, If your enemy is hungry, feed him; if he is thirsty, give him a drink. By doing this, you will pile burning coals of fire upon his head. Don’t be defeated by evil, but defeat evil with good.  Romans 12:18-21 

These words from Paul come in the midst of teaching on what it means to live together under the Holy Spirit's direction.  They reflect a vision of the kingdom of God made real and tangible in the lives of God's people.  In that light, I believe the best I can do to honor 9/11 is to combat hatred and violence  with love and peace in my own life and the lives of those around me. Rather than point a finger at those people, I choose to work with and among these people to make our city, our county, our state, our nation and our world a better place.  How about you?

Fix the problem

We left the in-laws house to drive home and the car was shuddering badly as we drove down the interstate. Lynn insisted (rightly) that we stop and get it checked out. Two tires later we were back on the road. New, balanced tires made for a much smoother ride. End of story? No. The symptom had been addressed, but the problem remained.  Turns our the rear struts on my car were bad causing the tires to wear unevenly which led to the shuddering. How often in life do we treat the symptoms and ignore the problem?  

I could just keep replacing the tires every time the shuddering gets too bad.  My car would eventually look like a lowrider with bad hydraulics, but I could handle it this way. Instead, I chose to replace the struts and having more time than money, I tackled the project myself. The first strut took me 3 hours and a 30 inch breaker bar to get off because of a bolt that had seized up. I figured the second would be much easier until the same bolt on that side broke off. Long story short, the original bolts are flawed and must be replaced.  I’ll have to drill out the holes and install better bolts to hold the new struts in place.  Then I can put the car back together and get back on the road.  It’s been a lot more work and frustration and taken a lot longer than I thought it would. I think a lot of times we choose to treat the symptoms rather than address the heart of the issue because addressing the problem would require change and change is hard.  

Jesus taught a similar lesson when he said,  

“You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall not commit adultery.’ But I tell you that anyone who looks at a woman lustfully has already committed adultery with her in his heart. If your right eye causes you to stumble, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell. And if your right hand causes you to stumble, cut it off and throw it away. It is better for you to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to go into hell.”  Matthew 5:27-30  

Notice that he tells us to deal with the cause of the problem. The sinful action is the symptom and the real problem is the lust or greed or pride or … in our heart.  The problem is so serious that it merits drastic action to address it.  

My car needed new struts and new bolts to hold them in place.  It’s taken some serious work to fix the problem.  We need new desires and a new heart to hold them.  Just as my car couldn’t fix itself, we can’t fix our hearts.  We need Jesus to come in a cut away the old defective parts and replace them with new, better ones. The next time you fall short of what God desires for you, don’t just address the symptoms. Praying harder and trying to be better won’t work. Drowning your guilt with busy-ness, food, escapism, alcohol or drugs won’t fix it. Instead, realize that the real problem is the desires in your heart.  Ask God to do some surgery; to cut out the sinful desires and give you a new heart. It won’t be easy. It may take longer than you like. You will have to change. It will be worth it.   

Surprised By Oxford

Carolyn Weber's spiritual memoir Surprised By Oxord tells the story of her conversion as it unfolded during her time as a graduate student at Oxford University. The story is interesting, set against the backdrop of life on the campus of Oxford. Weber does a wonderful job of drawing you into her experience of Oxford, her studies, the community and the people she met.
At times it seemed that Weber was trying too hard to be colorful and creative, so much so that it distracted from the story. Nonetheless, this is an interesting and thought-provoking story of God pursuing an intelligent young woman and her critical examination of the gospel before allowing it to speak to her heart.

I received this gratis from BookSneeze in exchange for a review without a guarantee of a positive review.

Good Friday State of Mind

Feeling betrayed, but knowing I’m the betrayer.
Being played, thinking I’m the player.
Why do we do the things we do?
Why did this happen to you?
You never did nothing to me,
Except you tried to set me free.
But I seem to like my chains,
I hate the resulting pains,
But I do what I know ain’t right
Can’t get myself out of this plight
Something within me leads me wrong
I want to do right but it’s too strong
Don’t wanna do what I know to be bad
Look at me, ain’t it sad.
Some call it sin, these chains that clatter;
What it’s called really don’t matter.
I hear its call down deep inside.
Sometimes it makes me wish I’d died.
Truth be told I’m already dead
But all that’s already been said
What I need to know on this dark day;
Is can you show me the way?
The way of life, where I can be free;
Who, my God, can show this to me?
I wait and wait, my heart in the dark;
I wait and life seems too distant, too far.
Wrapped in death and misery,
I wonder who it is that can rescue me.
Don’t know how long it’s been;
Don’t know beginning from end.
But wait, is that a light I see,
A tear in the curtain of my eternity?
I see a man, but who could come here,
Where dark souls wait in fear;
Living a death that steals life away,
Longing to see the light of day.
I see a hand, nailscarred and worn.
I see a head crowned with thorn.
I see a man with body stripped
A man with body beaten and whipped,
On a cross I see him hang,
My heart feels the bitterest pain.
And yet I hear an answer to my plea,
“Who will deliver me?”
The answer is the Living Word,
Jesus Christ, my saving Lord.
He shows that I must truly die,
If my heart would freely fly.
So on the cross, with him I hang;
Let sin now feel death’s stilling sting.
Gladly now with him I die;
Now more to wonder why.

Being shaped

I spent several hours yesterday working on the dining room table I'm building for my wife and me. I started out looking at a slab of hard maple measuring about 9' x 3.5' and it was beautiful. It was beautiful because I had made it-- because it was made up of eight pieces of lumber that were beautiful to begin with and that I had cut and shaped, laid out, and glued together so that their beauty would stand out even more and so that they could serve a purpose. I hope my wife and me and our children will eat lifetimes of meals around this table with friends, enemies, strangers, and assorted others. I hope that problems will be solved, jokes will be told, and dreams will be born and grow around this table. I hope this table will become a place of grace and love, of wisdom and justice, of generosity and healing.

I had put a great deal of work into that slab of wood and I was proud. There was a lot more work to do, however. It started with two hours of scraping excess glue off the surface. Then, with the help of some fellow woodworkers we set up a drum sander and ran the top through it a few times to begin smoothing it. That didn’t work so well so I went to work with a hand plane, scraping paper thin shavings of wood away. The planing was tedious and hard, working muscles I don’t use too often. Individual strokes didn’t seem to make much difference other than generating a lot of wood on the floor which I would have to sweep up and place in a bag for recycling.

I spent 4 hours doing that yesterday, and that slab looked worse when I stopped than when I started. As I worked I wonder if God’s shaping of us works the same way. As we lay our lives out before God, does God look at us the same way I looked at the pile of lumber I started with, marveling at the beauty, yet seeing so much more? I believe God does. I believe God looks at each of us with love, and, as we allow, God begins to shape the pieces of our lives, even the messed up and wounded ones like the board which had been discarded by the bullet I found in it. God cuts and trims and smoothes and glues us up, all the while thinking how our life will be places of grace and love, of wisdom and justice, of generosity and healing. God scrapes and sands; whittling away at the rough spots, the high points of pride, the twist of sin, the warp of bitterness and shame born of unconfessed wrongs and unhealed wounds.

I have a lot more work to do on our new table top before it is finished. I will spend hours planing and sanding, cutting and shaping, applying finish and polishing before the first place is set, the first candle is lit, the first meal is served. Even after all this work is done, the finish will need to be renewed; scratches may need to be sanded out; and maybe some leaves will be added. I think our lives are the same. God the Holy Spirit, just keeps working on us through prayer, scripture, Christian fellowship, and, well, life. For me God has been scraping and shaping me through my seminary courses, pastoral ministry, marriage, friendships, illness, strangers, walks, and many other things. Jesus said we’re branches, and branches need pruning to remain fruitful (John 15:1-11). I’m pretty sure the process of God shaping us is slow and hard and sometimes seems to make more of a mess than a difference. In the end, I trust it will all be worth it and it will be beautiful.

Musings on life and scripture

It's a sign of how busy I've been that I haven't bogged in several months. Not that I've been that regular in posting anyway, but in the last six months I've completed 60+ pages of writing and a half day of intense interviews for the ordination process in the Missouri conference of the United Methodist Church, taken 6 classes, written 37 papers, prepared and delivered 11 presentations; all while writing and preaching sermons for all but 3 of those 26 weeks, conducting 3 funerals, baptizing a family of 6, being elected student council president, losing almost 40 pounds, and turning 40. Whew!!! It's been a whirlwind, but it's been good, my mind and heart have been expanded by interacting with a host of people, learning a great deal, being pushed to think in ways I hadn't been, and just being with people in the ordinary and challenging stages of life. Thank you, Creator.

Lately, I've begun reading through the Bible again and just 9 chapters into Genesis I find myself full of questions and wonder. Here are my musings for what they're worth.

• It doesn't matter if the first 2 chapters of Genesis are literal or not; it's amazing to contemplate the beginning of life in this world and to know that God was intimately involved in it.
• What does it mean that day began with evening, with rest, in God's created order?
• Why didn't somebody just step up and take responsibility? It seems like this might be the real root of ongoing sin and brokenness in the world--that we blame others rather than taking responsibility for our actions thus preventing ourselves from learning and growing.
• What does it mean that God shortened humanity’s lifespan from hundreds of years to just over a hundred? Is this why we’re always in a hurry, or is it an attempt to explain that?
• What did these people do over hundreds of years, if they lived that long?
• Enoch is unique in having his life described by the phrase “walked with God 300 years”? Is this meant to be a reflection back on the early days in the Garden when Adam and Eve walked with God in the cool of the day?
• I can’t think of a better epitaph than “... walked with God.” Maybe with Micah 6:8 under it.
• Where were the women? Where did the wives come from? It’s an indictment on those who recorded scripture and all of us who have not asked these questions that women have been left our of scripture and Christian faith all too often?
• Why is Ham seemingly confused with his son Canaan after the flood? Is this a way of justifying the dispossession of the Canaanite’s from their land? (see Genesis 9)
• Are the dinosaurs extinct because Noah and his family ran out of things to eat while waiting over a year for the earth to completely dry out?
• How many people will realize the preceding question was a joke?

Faith is a journey of wonder and unanswered questions. I hope I never have more answers than questions, and I wish the same for all those around me. Questions keep us seeking, learning, and growing. Above all when we think we have all the answers, we are no longer aware of our need for and dependence on God.

Lord, teach me to bring my questions to you, not always looking for answers, but sharing the journey and trusting that you will share with me what I need to know. Amen

Christmas 2009

What a great holiday vacation! It started with a sweet deal on a new-to-us washer and dryer on the 23rd. Not only did we get $1500 worth of laundromat for $350--thank you Craigslist! We also found Dennis on Craigslist, who picked them up for us within the hour and delivered them, even carrying them down to our basement.

On the 24th, imagine that, we had a wonderful Christmas eve service with communion and everyone bringing gifts to the manger. After the service, we left racing the leading edge of a massive winter storm. Praise God we were headed east. We drove all night in the rain, reaching the beautiful Cumberland Gap in eastern Kentucky on Christmas morning. The skies cleared up and it was glorious. "The heavens are telling the glory of God and the firmaments display God's handiwork," as the psalmist says. Cumberland was the long way around, but I wanted to see the mountains first thing in the morning and it was worth it.

Ross traveled incredibly well for his first road trip. The ruffrider seatbelt we got him worked really well. He would occasionally stick his head up between the seats to see what was going on, but mostly he curled up on his dog bed. We did learn that busy gas stations are not the place to stop for Ross breaks. He's really skittish of cars and lots of noise.

We arrived at the Taylor farm around 9AM and were greeted by the whole clan--Lynn's parents, her sister Julie and her husband Mark, and youngest sister Katie. Ross loved the farm, except for the horses, that is. He would growl and place himself between us and the horses when they came up to us. Ross required daily trips to the farm since he simply will not go to the bathroom in a yard. It's crazy! This dog will only do his thing in the woods or on this island up the block that we call the poop deck because all the neighborhood dogs go there. Ross won the family over quickly as well. Mom said she wouldn't have the dog in the house, but as soon as she met him, she fell in love with him and invited him in and gave him the run of the house. Grammy succumbed to his canine charms as well, feeding him bits of ham all week.

Christmas day was a whirlwind for us all as we had breakfast at the farm and then headed over to Grammy's for dinner, where we joined by Uncle Robert and Aunt Tammy, Aaron and Haley. Dinner was wonderful--turkey, ham, mashed potatoes, green beans, stuffing, gravy, cranberry relish, and 3 kinds of pie for dessert. After dinner, it was time for paper to fly as we opened presents and stockings. Ross even had a stocking stuffed with doggie treats.

Later, we headed back to the farm to open presents with the immediate family. Ross had a long day and as the excitement grew, Ross decided he needed to crawl up in my lap to escape the chaos. The poor guy was trembling so we had to take him outside for a break. He doesn't like having his picture taken either and it may have been the flashes that got him excited. Lynn and I crashed that night at Grammy's with Ross on his dog bed on the floor next to me. He is such a cute and lovable dog, and smart too. We decided to get him a new harness the next day since he was able to get out of his other one. Houdini slipped the new one in about 3 minutes. Oh well, he doesn't run off and he doesn't try to get out all the time, so we've given up trying to find one he can't escape. FYI-if he's left in the car alone very long, he gets out of his seatbelt and crawls into the front seat to wait for us.

Lynn and I started in on our commissioning paperwork on the 26th as well. Lynn has most of hers done since she has to go back to work on Monday and will be starting classes at Northwest Missouri State in mid-January. I haven't pushed as hard, thougth I've done better than a fourth of the writing. Lynn also spent a lot of time lesson planning with her mom, who teaches pre-k. I think it was fun for them to work together. We also wandered over to Dandridge, the second oldest town in Tennessee on Friday to check out the old buildings and do a little shopping. On Saturday, we wandered into Morristown and found a taqueria.

Sunday, the family had Turkey hash, a kind of soup made from leftovers, which is a Taylor tradition. We gathered at the farm to talk and, when it was jsut us kids, we learned a little more about Katie's boyfriend. That evening we were back over at Grammy's for her famous Taco soup. Monday morning Grammy took us all to Cracker Barrel, another family tradition. Over lunch at the farm we said goodbye to Julie and Mark before they left to fly back to the bay area. That afternoon, Lynn and I were back at it on the commissioning paperwork and she planned worship for Sunday, January 3rd.

Tuesday morning, Lynn and I headed out to Statesville, NC via Virginia. We stopped in Meadowview, VA at the Meadowview Farmer's guild to do a little last minute shopping for Lynn'a friends who we were meeting later in the day. In Statesville, we met Lynn's friend, Erica, and her two children, Abigail and Samuel. It was a bummer that Erica's husband At wasn't able to join us, but we had a good time anyway. Samuel was excited to see Ross make yellow snow--hilarious! On our way out of Statesville we stopped by the Thorlo outlet to get several pairs of the best socks ever and then it was off to Marion, VA, near where we got married, to see Lynn's friend Jessica and her dad, Denton. Denton and I hit it off and talked while the ladies took Ross for a walk. Denton's great--he's served in ministry at the same church for 29 years, doing everything from cleaning toilets to ministry with youth. He even offered to resign when a new pastor admitted being threatened by Denton's long relationship with the congregation. Awesome!

On our way back to Tennessee we detoured through Emory, VA to visit the campus of Lynn's alma mater, Emory and Henry college. it was late by the time we got back to Grammy's and we crashed. Wednesday morning Lynn went to lesson plan with her mom some more while I stayed at Grammy's and talked. When Lynn got back we went over the worship plan and Lynn worked on commissioning while I did some research for projects I'm doing around the house. We left Grammy's about 3 that afternoon to head for Nashville where we were staying the night with Lynn's friend, Julie. At Julie's that evening, Ross made a new friend in Julie's dog, Boulder. It was fun to watch them lay with each other.

The next morning we hit the road about 8 to head back to KC. We stopped off in St. Louis to shop at Trader Joe's and to have a bite to eat. We got home around 9pm, dragged a few things in and hit the sack. New Year's Day we got up and sort of back into a routine. Lynn worked on lesson planning to get ahead for the start of school. Her students will be learning about the antarctic over the next couple of weeks. I wish she had been my teacher because she comes up with the most creative lessons for her students. They are blessed to have her.

I worked on the house, wiring an outlet for the dryer and performing routine maintenance on the new washer. The couple that sold them to us was only selling them because they were getting a designer red set for Christmas. The washer had been showing an error which indicated that the filter needed to be cleaned. I had thought we might have to call an electrician to add a new circuit for the dryer, or maybe even replace our breaker panel with a new and larger one, which we plan to do anyway. However, there was a mystery cable exiting the breaker panel which I had been meaning to investigate. It was marked A/C, but ran into the wall of our dining room. It turned out to be an old stove outlet which we didn't need. 20 feet of 10/3NM wire and a new outlet later and, voila, working dryer. We finished the day by picking up Lynn's car from the mechanic, making homemade pizza, and then watching "Julie and Julia" before we went to bed.

This morning, I loaded the last of the laundry into the washer. What would have been 8 loads and taken days in our apartment sized machines, has taken just 3 loads. Hallelujah! Well, it's definitely back to work for the Jaekleys. I'm headed out to the church to get ready for Sunday worship, and Lynn will be plugging away at her lesson planning. And there's housework to do as well. I leave with this quote from Bishop Reuben Job: "Discernment at its best is the conequence of a daily and lifetime walk with God. A lifetime of such companionship produces profound results that range from guidance in decision making to transformation of one's life. Living a life of discernment, then, is the simple process of staying attentive to and open to God in all of the active and contemplative times of our lives." (A Guide to Spiritual Discernment, 52) I thank God for such guidance in our lives, from selecting Ross, to finding a great mechanic, to finding a high quality washer/dryer set that we could afford, to driving through Cumberland Gap. Life is good, not because it is easy, but because God has made it so. Amen