Home Sweet Home

Well here they are--pics of our new place. Everyone's been asking us about it (must be that it's a loft)so we decided to put some pics online. In a shameless moment I decided to post them on my blog so at least some people would visit it. Anyway, enjoy the tour.

The view from our front porch












The kitchen














The living room











Lynn's office












The Patio with Lynn's garden.

Breaking with brokenness

Some friends and I were talking this evening about relating to people who are different from you; particularly those who have made lifestyle choices you disagree with, perhaps even destructive choices. Our conversation quickly focused in on the question of what to say when a co-worker or other acquaintance confides in you about these types of things. Where do you draw the line in such a situation? If you don't tell them you disagree with their choice, are you condoning it? If you say nothing, or skirt the issue, are you somehow betraying your own beliefs and values? Do you risk being pulled into the same behaviors?
These are difficult questions. For the majority of my christian life I was part of a denomination that drew a very hard line on a variety of isues. In other words, if you didn't toe the line as they saw it, you weren't welcome. The inside joke was, "Don't drink, don't smoke, don't chew; don't hang out with those that do." This attitude is one of the reasons I left that denomination. It's not an attitude I think Jesus would have agreed with. Indeed, Jesus was criticized by the religious establishment of his day for spending time with, for even enjoying fellowship with, tax collectors, and sinners. So how did Jesus interact with these people?
The story that comes to mind is that of the woman caught in adultery. Jesus rebuked the woman's accusers and then simply said that he wouldn't condemn her. Condemn--wow, we condemn people to death. Is that what our judgment does to others--kills their spirit? Perhaps we, like Jesus should accept people as they are, realizing that, their sin, their brokenness is more often a symptom of the wounds they have suffered instead of inflicting further wounds by condemning them.

Ignorance is not bliss

My wife and I went to see To Kill A Mockingbird tonight. It's been a while since I'vve watched this great movie and it moved me to tears and to thought. It's shocking to think what hatred and intolerance can make us do. That people would disregard plain and obvious facts is incredible and yet it happens in our world every day. We judge people we've never met and certainly have not taken the time to know.
Atticus Finch says of Mae Bell that she is the victim of cruel poverty and ignorance and this is the great truth of the story. Hatred and intolerance are more often born of ignorance than anything else. I have a family member who is a prime example of this. He and his family live in the suburbs and just can't understand why I would choose to live in a poorer part of the city. They are constantly trying to persuade my wife and I to buy a house near theirs, or anywhere outside of the urban core. When I first moved to the urban core, he wanted to give me a shotgun. When he helped my wife and I move into our latest apartment he brought a gun with him. He's never met our neighbors and their two wonderful children. In fact he's only been to our neighborhood once for a total of 1 hour. His only exposure to the inner city is through the evening news and public opinion. Just enough to make it and him dangerous. He believes that every person in the inner city is like the one on the news who shot someone or committed some other crime. He's never taken the time to meet the people who live here just as the people in the novel had never taken the time to meet Boo Radley.

Ramblings

I'm a little slow to get back to this, but, hey, it's only been a month rather than 6 weeks. My wife would tell you that I'm not always good about correspondence. Our first anniversary was June 26th and there are several thank you notes for wedding gifts still lying on my desk. Being married a year has caused me to evaluate our relationship. How are we doing? Is our marriage what we want it to be? Is it living up to our expectations? Or, more importantly, is it living up to what God expects?
Marriage is a serious subject for me. I grew up as child of divorce, several times over. My parents divorced when I was two, my mother's second divorce. My father remarried when I was five and my mother when I was nine and a half years old. Both of my stepparents had been divorced and each had children from their previous marriage. My mother divorced for the third time when I was 11 and my father when I was 14. I do have to add the caveat that my father and stepmother maintained a cordial(for them) relationship and were remarried to each other when I was twenty-one and remained married until my father's death when I was twenty-five. (If there's enough curiosity I can share the rest of this saga which is quite ironic.) Anyway, the marital havoc I witnessed as a child led me to soak up all the teaching I could on marriage, especially from a christian perspective. I'm still learning. As I thought about what I've read and more particularly what the script-ures have to say about marriage, one passage in particular has been stuck in my mind.

Ephesians 5:25-31 says
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind--yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. (NRSV)

The concept that I have been wrestling with is what it means for me to love my wife in such a way as to make her holy, so that she can be presented "in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind--yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish." And what does this have to do with me loving my body and/or myself? I confess hat I've never really thought about this before, nor do I recall hearing or reading any teaching that addresses this specifically. I understand that Paul's view of the church as the body of Christ lies behind verse 28 and indeed, behind the entire text, but... I'm still not clear on what this means for me when I get up tomorrow. I can even get the idea of nourishing and tenderly caring for my wife, the way I should my own body. (I'm working on this one currently.) This leads to more questions, however, like, "With what am I supposed to nourish her?" "Is there a food pyramid for our relationship or some kind of dietary guideline?" "Can someone even tell me what the food groups are?" And I am still left wondering how anything I do will serve to make my wife holy. I'm humbled and even scared that the bar is set so high. I can't even do much to make myself holy, let alone someone else, certainly not my wife, who lives with me every day and sees my every fault and more frequently suffers my imperfection than anyone ever has or will.
Father, creator God: All I know to do is pray and ask you for your wisdom. Holy Spirit, come and teach me what it means to love my wife. Lord Christ, live in me and through me so that I can love my wife as you loved the church. Help me to live in such a way that she is nourished and to care for her in such a way that she shines with holiness and purity. May my thoughts, words and actions toward her bring out the best that you have placed in her. Let our marriage bring glory and honor to you, God, most holy. Amen.

Out of control

Wow! I just reread my intial entry and 2 things struck me. First, it's been 6 weeks and, second, God was obviously at work. I wrote in that first entry that I realized I was not in control. That lesson has been driven home over the past 6 weeks. During that time, I've lost my job, and as a consequence, my home. I've made the decision to go back to graduate school and have jumped through the numerous hoops of the application process in record time, all the while with the question "How are we going to pay for this?" taunting me in the background of my thoughts. I've found a place to live that is wonderful, moved in and driven to Colorado for a previously scheduled 10 day vacation. I've coordinated the visit of the India Children's Choir to our church and produced 125 wooden crosses for our church's capital campaign. Whew! I think I need another vacation.
Through all this I've learned an even greater lesson--God is in control and Godis good. All the time! We repeat this every Sunday as we gather for worship, but I can say that I know it's true in a deeper way. I had planned to continue at my job until after my wife finished her degree and 2 years of chaplaincy training. God intended for me to go back to school a little sooner. I had planned to stay where we were living for a few more years, God had a better place for us. I had planned to rationalizwe staying at a job where I was hindered, held back, and continually undermined. God intended something better for me. I'm even confident that God has something in mind to provide for my tuition.
Of course, I say all this with the benefit of distance from the day I was asked to leave my job(I'm putting it politely) and told I needed to vacate our apartment in 2 weeks. My wife and I are no longer living in hotels, with our possessions scattered around the Kansas City metro area. Buit even in the midst of that God gave me a script to follow:
"Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret over those who prosper in their way,
over those who carry out evil devices.
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath.
Do not fret--it leads only to evil.
For the wicked shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land. Psalm 37:7-9

It wasn't easy to follow the script. Do not fret--the word fret is an interesting one-it means to worry at something until it starts to unravel. It's easy to do this when I have a problem. I want to figure out what went wrong and I want to fix it NOW. Instead, God asked me to wait patiently and see what God planned to do.
Honestly, the not fretting wasn't the hardest part. It was far more difficult to refrain from anger. This is is the part where I stop mid-scene and say, "Excuse me, Mr. Director, but this can't be right. I've been wronged! My life has been turned upside down. These people hurt my wife, the love of my life. I'm sure there should be something here about me kicking their door down and kicking some butt. Tell you what, I'll toe the line on the not fretting part if you'll let me ad lib on the anger bit. Maybe just a little jab here and there."
Of course, God just said, "Let's stick to the script. Vengeance is mine. I'll take care of it."
The great thing is, I'm ok with that. I chose to let God have the situation and I have been wonderfully at peace in the midst of the whirlwind.

Business

Came into work this morning and was quickly confronted with a number of problems--door locks not working, $230 repairs needed to our car, an antiquated HVAC system that doesn't work--I'm sure everybody has mornings like this. I was getting caught up in the rush when I realize how often I do this and the next thing I know, the day has flown by and I've not spent much time interracting with the people around me, telling my wife I love her, and maybe the worst of all, I've exhausted myself fixing everything and don't have the time or energy to invest in our relationship as I should. I need to change. I want to be less caught up with fixing everyting and to invest myself more in building relationships, growing, and especially in being the husband I know I am called to be.
I do really well in my busi-ness, I think that's the problem. I'm good at what I do. I fix things--policies, procedures, doors, machines, programs--but I don't always do so well with people. My busi-ness is all about me. It feeds my ego to be able to fix things, to make things run more smoothly, to clean up other people's messes and make sure I let people know that I did it.
What to do? How do I proceed? I'm tempted to ask how to fix this, but truth is that I know I can't. I've tried and I've succeeded for a short time in the past--devotions, retreats, books, even counseling-- but it never lasts.
What I'm realizing more and more is that it's a process and one I'm not in control of; rather God is, whether I want God to be or not.
Script-ures
The first passage that comes to mind is the story of Mary and Martha. (Luke 10:38-42) You know the one--Mary sits at Jesus feet listening while Martha busts her hump getting the house ready for guests. Naturally, Martha complains and Jesus tells Mary to get with it. Wait a minute, that's not how it goes. Jesus tells Martha that Mary is doing the right thing. That's it, not a good word for Martha, no commendation for her hard work and dedication to be a good hostess, which by the way was and is far more important in the Middle East than it is for us today; just a rebuke that she is concerning herself with everything but the one thing. Ouch!!! Wait a minute Jesus, how am I supposed to get anything done? What about the doors? I mean we're doing good work here, helping families whose children are in the hospital by giving them a place to stay, free meals, the opportunity to stay close to their sick child. Surely you don't want me to just drop everything and let the house go to pot while I just sit at your feet. What gives?
Another scripture comes to mind--Matthew 6:25-34 where it says (I'm paraphrasing) not to worry about food, clothing, or shelter, but to seek first God's kingdom and righteousness and God will provide all these things for you. It ends with an admonition not to worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble of it's own. That I can easily agree with even if I do not always manage not to worry about tomorrow. Back to the not worrying about food, clothing, shelter... . Do Martha's worries fall under this as well? Do mine?