Check out this really cool video:
Not sure if I agree with everything behind it, but I applaud and enjoy the creativity of it.
Also, check out this game where you can improve your wordpower while helping to feed the hungry: http://www.freerice.com/index.php.
Friday, May 02, 2008
Friday, April 11, 2008
The glow
When I was a teenager, I was part of a congregation that regularly practiced giving testimonies. In the worship services, there was frequently a time for the members to stand and share what God was doing in their lives. Listening to those people share was like basking in the glow of the Holy Spirit’s fire. It’s been a while since I experienced that, but I was able to the other evening. I was on the phone with the mother of one of the middle school students in our youth group. She shared that her daughter had told her the other day that she was feeling strange. When her mom asked what she meant, she told her that she’d been praying and that suddenly, like a switch had been flipped, she felt Jesus in the room with her and that sense of the imminent presence of Christ stayed with her. Praise God who gives us the Holy spirit to bear witness with our spirit that we are children of God! Amen
Wednesday, October 10, 2007
Boundaries experienced and overcome
Today I sat down to lunch with a guest lecturer at our school. There were 4 students present including myself and 3 members of our faculty as well as our president. The conversation initially centered around the lecturer's thoughts on a particular program at our school in which I am enrolled. After this conversation ended, several folks left including myself. There was another meeting scheduled that I wanted to attend but something pulled me back to the convversation with the lecturer. As I was deciding what to do, one of the other students encouraged me to return to the conversation. We were the only students in the room.
The conversation continued turning to the subject of another program at our school in which both of us participate as students. I listened with interest to the lecturers response to questions about both fields of study. Then the lecturer proceeded to show a distinct and personal interest in the other student. When I say personal, I mean that he took an interest in her studies and her professional development. I sat beside her, listening with interest to their conversation, which he at time extended to include us all. I found myself wondering if he would then turn to me and show a similar interest in my studies and professional development. He did not. Upon finishing his remarks to her, he quickly brought the discussion to a close and we left.
I remark upon this because of the dynamics which were involved. You see, when I returned to that conversation, I was the only white person in a room full of African-Americans. It changed the dynamics for me. There was a different feel to the room and the conversation. In addition, I was the only person not working in an urban environment. I had a sense that, though I was there, I was set aside. I choose these words carefully. I was not ignored, nor was I overlooked--at 6 feet 300 pounds, I'm impossible to overlook in a group of only 6 people. No, I was set aside in the way that items of business are set aside in committee meetings because they do not merit consideration at the time. I felt dismissed, neither accepted nor rejected, just outside the conversation the way a fan in the bleachers is outside the game being played on the basketball court. It's an uncomfortable feeling, one that I have experienced before as a white person living in predominantly African-American and Latino neighborhoods.
I found myself wondering why I felt set aside, so to speak. Was I just imagining things? I can't see it that way. When two chldren are left on the playground, and one is chosen to play and the other is not, it is easy to say that the one not chosen is "making a big deal out of nothing" when she expresses her disappointment. The truth is a judgment was made and there were reasons. Was it simply a matter of my race? Was it the fact that I currently work in a suburban setting and the lecturer did not know of my residence in and passion for the urban core.? Was it my gender? Something else about myself or my situation? I do not and cannot know for certain. However, I am prepared to say that race played at least some role in the lecturer's decision to show interest in my fellow student and not myself. In part, I base this judgment on past experience and in part because race plays into so many of our interactions, particularly those which cross racial boundaries.
I then thought about a conversation I had the previous day regarding Moses' experience as described in Exodus 2. Moses is an Egyptian prince, having been adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. He is of Hebrew descent, however, and was raised in part by his Hebrew birth mother. In this passage Moses intervenes on behalf of a Hebrew slave, killing the Egyptian slave master who was beating him or her. Most certainly, his Hebrew heritage had a part in his decision to intervene. Moses then tries to mediate a dispute between two Hebrews. The Hebrews want nothing to do with Moses. They dismiss him and his offer of assistance.
Again, there are a variety of dynamics in play. Moses is a member of the Egyptian royal family and I am sure the Hebrew slaves thought little enough of them in both senses of the phrase. So, social status is a factor in this incident. Possibly religion played a role and perhaps family relationships were involved between the two Hebrews. And race. One might argue that the Hebrews would have known Moses was of Hebrew descent, but this is not necessarily true since the Hebrews were quite numerous. The only previous knowledge we are told these two Hebrews had of Moses is that he killed the Egyptian slave master. This in and of itself begs the question, Why did they reject Moses when they knew he had intervened to help one of their own? Did their hatred and mistrust of Egyptians run so deep as to cause them to reject one who had come to their aid? It appears so.
This doesn't necesarily apply to the encounter I had this afternoon, but it does remind me that cross-racial ministries and relationships are very difficult. Healthy, honest, open relationships are hard even when race isn't involved. Moses' story reminds me that I will face rejection even from those I am trying to help. This rejection can happen even when race is not a factor, but it is more likely to happen when race is involved. This is an uncomfortable reality. Moses' story continues as he flees Egypt and again intervenes on behalf of those different from, one could even say foreign to, himself. This time his help is gratefully received and he later marries one of the women he helped. Moses inpsires me to continue reaching out even after experiencing rejection.
My encounter also leads me to think about Galatians 3:26-29 which says that our unity in Christ supercedes all boundaries of race, class, and gender. We are called as Christians to choose unity in Christ over divisions based on the color of our skin, the balance in our bank account, or our biological make up. We are called to a ministry of reconciliation as the ones whom Christ has called out of and sent into our broken world.
The conversation continued turning to the subject of another program at our school in which both of us participate as students. I listened with interest to the lecturers response to questions about both fields of study. Then the lecturer proceeded to show a distinct and personal interest in the other student. When I say personal, I mean that he took an interest in her studies and her professional development. I sat beside her, listening with interest to their conversation, which he at time extended to include us all. I found myself wondering if he would then turn to me and show a similar interest in my studies and professional development. He did not. Upon finishing his remarks to her, he quickly brought the discussion to a close and we left.
I remark upon this because of the dynamics which were involved. You see, when I returned to that conversation, I was the only white person in a room full of African-Americans. It changed the dynamics for me. There was a different feel to the room and the conversation. In addition, I was the only person not working in an urban environment. I had a sense that, though I was there, I was set aside. I choose these words carefully. I was not ignored, nor was I overlooked--at 6 feet 300 pounds, I'm impossible to overlook in a group of only 6 people. No, I was set aside in the way that items of business are set aside in committee meetings because they do not merit consideration at the time. I felt dismissed, neither accepted nor rejected, just outside the conversation the way a fan in the bleachers is outside the game being played on the basketball court. It's an uncomfortable feeling, one that I have experienced before as a white person living in predominantly African-American and Latino neighborhoods.
I found myself wondering why I felt set aside, so to speak. Was I just imagining things? I can't see it that way. When two chldren are left on the playground, and one is chosen to play and the other is not, it is easy to say that the one not chosen is "making a big deal out of nothing" when she expresses her disappointment. The truth is a judgment was made and there were reasons. Was it simply a matter of my race? Was it the fact that I currently work in a suburban setting and the lecturer did not know of my residence in and passion for the urban core.? Was it my gender? Something else about myself or my situation? I do not and cannot know for certain. However, I am prepared to say that race played at least some role in the lecturer's decision to show interest in my fellow student and not myself. In part, I base this judgment on past experience and in part because race plays into so many of our interactions, particularly those which cross racial boundaries.
I then thought about a conversation I had the previous day regarding Moses' experience as described in Exodus 2. Moses is an Egyptian prince, having been adopted by Pharaoh's daughter. He is of Hebrew descent, however, and was raised in part by his Hebrew birth mother. In this passage Moses intervenes on behalf of a Hebrew slave, killing the Egyptian slave master who was beating him or her. Most certainly, his Hebrew heritage had a part in his decision to intervene. Moses then tries to mediate a dispute between two Hebrews. The Hebrews want nothing to do with Moses. They dismiss him and his offer of assistance.
Again, there are a variety of dynamics in play. Moses is a member of the Egyptian royal family and I am sure the Hebrew slaves thought little enough of them in both senses of the phrase. So, social status is a factor in this incident. Possibly religion played a role and perhaps family relationships were involved between the two Hebrews. And race. One might argue that the Hebrews would have known Moses was of Hebrew descent, but this is not necessarily true since the Hebrews were quite numerous. The only previous knowledge we are told these two Hebrews had of Moses is that he killed the Egyptian slave master. This in and of itself begs the question, Why did they reject Moses when they knew he had intervened to help one of their own? Did their hatred and mistrust of Egyptians run so deep as to cause them to reject one who had come to their aid? It appears so.
This doesn't necesarily apply to the encounter I had this afternoon, but it does remind me that cross-racial ministries and relationships are very difficult. Healthy, honest, open relationships are hard even when race isn't involved. Moses' story reminds me that I will face rejection even from those I am trying to help. This rejection can happen even when race is not a factor, but it is more likely to happen when race is involved. This is an uncomfortable reality. Moses' story continues as he flees Egypt and again intervenes on behalf of those different from, one could even say foreign to, himself. This time his help is gratefully received and he later marries one of the women he helped. Moses inpsires me to continue reaching out even after experiencing rejection.
My encounter also leads me to think about Galatians 3:26-29 which says that our unity in Christ supercedes all boundaries of race, class, and gender. We are called as Christians to choose unity in Christ over divisions based on the color of our skin, the balance in our bank account, or our biological make up. We are called to a ministry of reconciliation as the ones whom Christ has called out of and sent into our broken world.
Wednesday, September 19, 2007
Here's to you Mrs. Robinson
Ok, so this is totally off my usual blog trajectory. Anyway, I was telling a friend about my plans to rewrite the lyrics to "Mrs. Robinson"as a gag for someone who's retiring.
My friend told me this might not be a good idea because she heard the song was about sex. I was curious so I jumped on the web and here's what I learned:
Contrary to popular and my own uninformed opinion, Mrs. Robinson was written and first recorded by Paul Simon of Simon and Garfunkel and not the Beatles. (An interesting side note, I learned that Lennon and co. did several covers.)
Anyway, back to the topic at hand which is, "Was Paul hooking up (or hoping to) with Mrs. Robinson?" The answer: NO!
The lyrics really don't fit that scenario, despite the mysterious reference to a cupcake, and several sources discredit that story.
The most interesting theory about the lyrics, though not straight from the horse's mouth, (no offense, Paul) is that the lyrics were about Eleanor Roosevelt but Simon sometimes sang Robinson instead. The source (at http://freespace.virgin.net/r.kent/quotes.html) said that their producer told him to stick with Robinson so as not to create controversy.
So, the end result is, I still don't have an answer to my question, but the journey so far has been fun. Kind of like faith. I think I'll keep looking. --Jeff
My friend told me this might not be a good idea because she heard the song was about sex. I was curious so I jumped on the web and here's what I learned:
Contrary to popular and my own uninformed opinion, Mrs. Robinson was written and first recorded by Paul Simon of Simon and Garfunkel and not the Beatles. (An interesting side note, I learned that Lennon and co. did several covers.)
Anyway, back to the topic at hand which is, "Was Paul hooking up (or hoping to) with Mrs. Robinson?" The answer: NO!
The lyrics really don't fit that scenario, despite the mysterious reference to a cupcake, and several sources discredit that story.
The most interesting theory about the lyrics, though not straight from the horse's mouth, (no offense, Paul) is that the lyrics were about Eleanor Roosevelt but Simon sometimes sang Robinson instead. The source (at http://freespace.virgin.net/r.kent/quotes.html) said that their producer told him to stick with Robinson so as not to create controversy.
So, the end result is, I still don't have an answer to my question, but the journey so far has been fun. Kind of like faith. I think I'll keep looking. --Jeff
Monday, September 17, 2007
Hi, my name is Martha...
My wife has been steadily reminding me of late that I take myself too seriously. And she's right. I'm a Martha, you know, the Martha from the Bible story who gets told off by Jesus for being too uptight about her agenda. That's me. Every so often I get so caught up in doing that I don't leave myself any time to be. I have learned one cure however--laughter. That's right, usually, when I'm getting too uptight, God comes through with something that makes me laugh my head off. This morning it was my friend Joel's blog. I was blog surfing and I read his post about his class last spring. Hilarious! You can read the post here: On The Other Side Of The Window: How can I apply this in my classroom?
Laugh a little, it helps a alot.
Laugh a little, it helps a alot.
Tuesday, August 28, 2007
Building a church
On August 5th I had the privilege (I think) of being part of a presentation to pastors attending a conference on congregational development. It was a privilege, but it was a lot of work to prepare in the middle of a challenging time for our church. We're building a building, and it is demanding extra attention from all of those on our church's staff. I took the bunt of it in the 2 months leading up to the presentation as I was filling in for our pastor while he was away. The presentation gave us the opportunity to tell our story as a 7 year old church meeting in a school to pastors and other leaders considering planting a new church. I learned a lot about our church from this presentation. I've only been there a year and this filled in a lot of blanks for me. At the end of the presentation a gentleman asked if we had planted or intended to plant any other churches. I listened as our pastor responded by saying, "No, that's not really our vision. We have this land(26 acres) and were going to build on it someday. There is a huge difference between the man's question and the response he received; but both might be referred to as building a church(es). What does it mean to build a church? I honestly think people get confused sometimes. Some think it refers to a construction project such as the one we're in the midst of now--that is to say an actual, physical building like the temple in the Hebrew scriptures. Others would counter (sometimes vehemently) by saying the church isn't a building, it's the people--a la 1 Peter which uses a building as a metaphor for the church with people are the building blocks. Reminds me of the children's Sunday school rhyme, "Here's the church and here's the steeple. Open the doors and there's all the people." My reflections have led me to the conclusion that there is another way of understanding this idea of building the church. The third way is to think of the structures of the church as distinct from a structure called a church. What in the world am I talking about? Think of it this way: The church is an organism, a living body composed of individual people; and it is an organization which has structures to organize and help it function effectively. I'll be honest, I think our church's land is just a piece of dirt and i could care less if we ever build a building there. On the other hand I love the people in our church. Ok, sometimes I don't want to, but Jesus is helping me to love them. Anyway, as I continued to think about this I realized that it's easy for us to focus on a construction project because it's a concrete representation of our efforts, our gifts, and our presence. Too, the idea of the church as people receives a lot of focus, especially from those of us, like myself, who are trained/being trained for vocational ministry in the church. What about the third idea? In over 80 hours of seminary education, I have never had a class that talked about the importance of building the church in organizational terms. I've had classes about a particular structural system in use by my denomination which is broad, at times contradictory, and confusing, and really doesn't provide that much guidance for the local congregation. At this point, I'm sure some of you are asking what's the big deal? Well, there's a story that will answer your question. It all started one day when food was being distributed from the food pantry at First (insert your denomination or lack thereof here) Church. Among those receiving the food, there were some who thought they were getting the short end of the loaf, so to speak. So they went to the pastor, a harassed and harried person, with too much to worry about already. Sounds familiar, doesn't it? The pastor was fretting about making a decision when his friend and mentor Hal E. Spirit dropped in for a chat. Hal immediately saw that his friend the pastor was about to lose it and leave the church to become a (insert an appropriately bad career, location or denomination here). Hal took charge and said, "Pick some others like say, Stephen, and put them in charge of making sure the food is distributed fairly." By now you've figured out that this is the story of the first "deacons" being chosen in Acts 6. The point is this; there need to be structures and systems in place to ensure that the resources of the church are being used in appropriate effective and balanced ways. Most churches have basic structures in place having to do with finances, property, worship, and Christian education. However, as a church grows so does it's need for more structures as the work of ministry multiplies. I don't believe there is a magic number that tells us when we need to add more structures in our church. Rather, I think it's a continuous process of listening and being aware of what is happening in the life of the church. When several people start saying something isn't right or when our leaders start to feel bogged down in too many responsibilities; it may be time to add ore structure to address these issues. Yet, many of us continue to try to do things the same way and we wonder why we aren't building the church in terms of people. We get bogged down in the details and wonder where our passion went. Or the details just don't get communicated and more time has to be spent on catching people up. We're struggling with this in our church right now. People have become comfortable with a structure in which only a few people needed to know what was going on, and they just kind of passed the information on informally. Now, however, more people are in the mix and there are more things going on. The old method of communication by osmosis won't work. We need to build our church by adding more structure in regard to communicating with each other. That's just one example. In the context of a new church, this idea of building church structures takes on a great deal of significance because you are starting from scratch. Here are some observations I've made from my experience in three different church plants:
Simple is good.
Think ahead. Lay a structural foundation that will help you as you grow.
Read about other congregation's structures and then do what's right for your congregation. There is no one right structure. No church is doing what's right for everyone.
Learn from others and your own mistakes. I'll never forget the lesson I learned from a previous church about trying to plant a new church at the wrong time. Even better I'll never forget my own attempts to do too much which ended in a major flameout.
Ask for help. Look around you. Is there a local church that's doing well? Maybe your denomination or organization provides help. Hire a consultant. There are a lot of ways to get some help and very few excuses for not doing so.
Don't think you or your congregation can do everything and don't think you can do everything you have to do in house. We're all human. We'll all have strengths, weaknesses and limitations. You need a web site. If you don't have a professional web designer in your church, trust me, hiring one will pay for itself because you won't keep redoing your ugly website, or wishing you could. Same goes for letter head, logos, decor, etc.
Even if you can't or don't need to engage in a particular ministry now--i.e. youth or seniors ministry in a new congregation--maintain a file of ideas and pray for God to send people to lead these ministries, whatever they are. The number one mistake I've seen new congregations make is failing to prepare to minister to those they are trying to reach and bring into the church. Don't be the football coach who recruited a team but had not playbook. Your recruits won't stick around if you're not ready for them.
Finally. Pray, pray, keep praying and never stop praying. The other day I watched Finding Nemo and I learned a lesson from the forgetful fish, Dory. Throughout the movie she keeps repeating, "Just keep swimming." Sounds crazy. Fish swim all the time, don't they? That's the point. Fish swim all the time because they live in water. Christians pray all the time, because we are surrounded at all times by God.
~
Simple is good.
Think ahead. Lay a structural foundation that will help you as you grow.
Read about other congregation's structures and then do what's right for your congregation. There is no one right structure. No church is doing what's right for everyone.
Learn from others and your own mistakes. I'll never forget the lesson I learned from a previous church about trying to plant a new church at the wrong time. Even better I'll never forget my own attempts to do too much which ended in a major flameout.
Ask for help. Look around you. Is there a local church that's doing well? Maybe your denomination or organization provides help. Hire a consultant. There are a lot of ways to get some help and very few excuses for not doing so.
Don't think you or your congregation can do everything and don't think you can do everything you have to do in house. We're all human. We'll all have strengths, weaknesses and limitations. You need a web site. If you don't have a professional web designer in your church, trust me, hiring one will pay for itself because you won't keep redoing your ugly website, or wishing you could. Same goes for letter head, logos, decor, etc.
Even if you can't or don't need to engage in a particular ministry now--i.e. youth or seniors ministry in a new congregation--maintain a file of ideas and pray for God to send people to lead these ministries, whatever they are. The number one mistake I've seen new congregations make is failing to prepare to minister to those they are trying to reach and bring into the church. Don't be the football coach who recruited a team but had not playbook. Your recruits won't stick around if you're not ready for them.
Finally. Pray, pray, keep praying and never stop praying. The other day I watched Finding Nemo and I learned a lesson from the forgetful fish, Dory. Throughout the movie she keeps repeating, "Just keep swimming." Sounds crazy. Fish swim all the time, don't they? That's the point. Fish swim all the time because they live in water. Christians pray all the time, because we are surrounded at all times by God.
~
Sunday, August 13, 2006
Home Sweet Home
Well here they are--pics of our new place. Everyone's been asking us about it (must be that it's a loft)so we decided to put some pics online. In a shameless moment I decided to post them on my blog so at least some people would visit it. Anyway, enjoy the tour.
The view from our front porch
The kitchen
The living room
Lynn's office
The Patio with Lynn's garden.
The view from our front porch
The kitchen
The living room
Lynn's office
The Patio with Lynn's garden.
Thursday, August 03, 2006
Breaking with brokenness
Some friends and I were talking this evening about relating to people who are different from you; particularly those who have made lifestyle choices you disagree with, perhaps even destructive choices. Our conversation quickly focused in on the question of what to say when a co-worker or other acquaintance confides in you about these types of things. Where do you draw the line in such a situation? If you don't tell them you disagree with their choice, are you condoning it? If you say nothing, or skirt the issue, are you somehow betraying your own beliefs and values? Do you risk being pulled into the same behaviors?
These are difficult questions. For the majority of my christian life I was part of a denomination that drew a very hard line on a variety of isues. In other words, if you didn't toe the line as they saw it, you weren't welcome. The inside joke was, "Don't drink, don't smoke, don't chew; don't hang out with those that do." This attitude is one of the reasons I left that denomination. It's not an attitude I think Jesus would have agreed with. Indeed, Jesus was criticized by the religious establishment of his day for spending time with, for even enjoying fellowship with, tax collectors, and sinners. So how did Jesus interact with these people?
The story that comes to mind is that of the woman caught in adultery. Jesus rebuked the woman's accusers and then simply said that he wouldn't condemn her. Condemn--wow, we condemn people to death. Is that what our judgment does to others--kills their spirit? Perhaps we, like Jesus should accept people as they are, realizing that, their sin, their brokenness is more often a symptom of the wounds they have suffered instead of inflicting further wounds by condemning them.
These are difficult questions. For the majority of my christian life I was part of a denomination that drew a very hard line on a variety of isues. In other words, if you didn't toe the line as they saw it, you weren't welcome. The inside joke was, "Don't drink, don't smoke, don't chew; don't hang out with those that do." This attitude is one of the reasons I left that denomination. It's not an attitude I think Jesus would have agreed with. Indeed, Jesus was criticized by the religious establishment of his day for spending time with, for even enjoying fellowship with, tax collectors, and sinners. So how did Jesus interact with these people?
The story that comes to mind is that of the woman caught in adultery. Jesus rebuked the woman's accusers and then simply said that he wouldn't condemn her. Condemn--wow, we condemn people to death. Is that what our judgment does to others--kills their spirit? Perhaps we, like Jesus should accept people as they are, realizing that, their sin, their brokenness is more often a symptom of the wounds they have suffered instead of inflicting further wounds by condemning them.
Friday, July 21, 2006
Ignorance is not bliss
My wife and I went to see To Kill A Mockingbird tonight. It's been a while since I'vve watched this great movie and it moved me to tears and to thought. It's shocking to think what hatred and intolerance can make us do. That people would disregard plain and obvious facts is incredible and yet it happens in our world every day. We judge people we've never met and certainly have not taken the time to know.
Atticus Finch says of Mae Bell that she is the victim of cruel poverty and ignorance and this is the great truth of the story. Hatred and intolerance are more often born of ignorance than anything else. I have a family member who is a prime example of this. He and his family live in the suburbs and just can't understand why I would choose to live in a poorer part of the city. They are constantly trying to persuade my wife and I to buy a house near theirs, or anywhere outside of the urban core. When I first moved to the urban core, he wanted to give me a shotgun. When he helped my wife and I move into our latest apartment he brought a gun with him. He's never met our neighbors and their two wonderful children. In fact he's only been to our neighborhood once for a total of 1 hour. His only exposure to the inner city is through the evening news and public opinion. Just enough to make it and him dangerous. He believes that every person in the inner city is like the one on the news who shot someone or committed some other crime. He's never taken the time to meet the people who live here just as the people in the novel had never taken the time to meet Boo Radley.
Atticus Finch says of Mae Bell that she is the victim of cruel poverty and ignorance and this is the great truth of the story. Hatred and intolerance are more often born of ignorance than anything else. I have a family member who is a prime example of this. He and his family live in the suburbs and just can't understand why I would choose to live in a poorer part of the city. They are constantly trying to persuade my wife and I to buy a house near theirs, or anywhere outside of the urban core. When I first moved to the urban core, he wanted to give me a shotgun. When he helped my wife and I move into our latest apartment he brought a gun with him. He's never met our neighbors and their two wonderful children. In fact he's only been to our neighborhood once for a total of 1 hour. His only exposure to the inner city is through the evening news and public opinion. Just enough to make it and him dangerous. He believes that every person in the inner city is like the one on the news who shot someone or committed some other crime. He's never taken the time to meet the people who live here just as the people in the novel had never taken the time to meet Boo Radley.
Saturday, July 15, 2006
Ramblings
I'm a little slow to get back to this, but, hey, it's only been a month rather than 6 weeks. My wife would tell you that I'm not always good about correspondence. Our first anniversary was June 26th and there are several thank you notes for wedding gifts still lying on my desk. Being married a year has caused me to evaluate our relationship. How are we doing? Is our marriage what we want it to be? Is it living up to our expectations? Or, more importantly, is it living up to what God expects?
Marriage is a serious subject for me. I grew up as child of divorce, several times over. My parents divorced when I was two, my mother's second divorce. My father remarried when I was five and my mother when I was nine and a half years old. Both of my stepparents had been divorced and each had children from their previous marriage. My mother divorced for the third time when I was 11 and my father when I was 14. I do have to add the caveat that my father and stepmother maintained a cordial(for them) relationship and were remarried to each other when I was twenty-one and remained married until my father's death when I was twenty-five. (If there's enough curiosity I can share the rest of this saga which is quite ironic.) Anyway, the marital havoc I witnessed as a child led me to soak up all the teaching I could on marriage, especially from a christian perspective. I'm still learning. As I thought about what I've read and more particularly what the script-ures have to say about marriage, one passage in particular has been stuck in my mind.
The concept that I have been wrestling with is what it means for me to love my wife in such a way as to make her holy, so that she can be presented "in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind--yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish." And what does this have to do with me loving my body and/or myself? I confess hat I've never really thought about this before, nor do I recall hearing or reading any teaching that addresses this specifically. I understand that Paul's view of the church as the body of Christ lies behind verse 28 and indeed, behind the entire text, but... I'm still not clear on what this means for me when I get up tomorrow. I can even get the idea of nourishing and tenderly caring for my wife, the way I should my own body. (I'm working on this one currently.) This leads to more questions, however, like, "With what am I supposed to nourish her?" "Is there a food pyramid for our relationship or some kind of dietary guideline?" "Can someone even tell me what the food groups are?" And I am still left wondering how anything I do will serve to make my wife holy. I'm humbled and even scared that the bar is set so high. I can't even do much to make myself holy, let alone someone else, certainly not my wife, who lives with me every day and sees my every fault and more frequently suffers my imperfection than anyone ever has or will.Ephesians 5:25-31 says
Husbands, love your wives, just as Christ loved the church and gave himself up for her, in order to make her holy by cleansing her with the washing of water by the word, so as to present the church to himself in splendor, without a spot or wrinkle or anything of the kind--yes, so that she may be holy and without blemish. In the same way, husbands should love their wives as they do their own bodies. He who loves his wife loves himself. For no one ever hates his own body, but he nourishes and tenderly cares for it, just as Christ does for the church, because we are members of his body. (NRSV)
Father, creator God: All I know to do is pray and ask you for your wisdom. Holy Spirit, come and teach me what it means to love my wife. Lord Christ, live in me and through me so that I can love my wife as you loved the church. Help me to live in such a way that she is nourished and to care for her in such a way that she shines with holiness and purity. May my thoughts, words and actions toward her bring out the best that you have placed in her. Let our marriage bring glory and honor to you, God, most holy. Amen.
Saturday, June 17, 2006
Out of control
Wow! I just reread my intial entry and 2 things struck me. First, it's been 6 weeks and, second, God was obviously at work. I wrote in that first entry that I realized I was not in control. That lesson has been driven home over the past 6 weeks. During that time, I've lost my job, and as a consequence, my home. I've made the decision to go back to graduate school and have jumped through the numerous hoops of the application process in record time, all the while with the question "How are we going to pay for this?" taunting me in the background of my thoughts. I've found a place to live that is wonderful, moved in and driven to Colorado for a previously scheduled 10 day vacation. I've coordinated the visit of the India Children's Choir to our church and produced 125 wooden crosses for our church's capital campaign. Whew! I think I need another vacation.
Through all this I've learned an even greater lesson--God is in control and Godis good. All the time! We repeat this every Sunday as we gather for worship, but I can say that I know it's true in a deeper way. I had planned to continue at my job until after my wife finished her degree and 2 years of chaplaincy training. God intended for me to go back to school a little sooner. I had planned to stay where we were living for a few more years, God had a better place for us. I had planned to rationalizwe staying at a job where I was hindered, held back, and continually undermined. God intended something better for me. I'm even confident that God has something in mind to provide for my tuition.
Of course, I say all this with the benefit of distance from the day I was asked to leave my job(I'm putting it politely) and told I needed to vacate our apartment in 2 weeks. My wife and I are no longer living in hotels, with our possessions scattered around the Kansas City metro area. Buit even in the midst of that God gave me a script to follow:
"Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret over those who prosper in their way,
over those who carry out evil devices.
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath.
Do not fret--it leads only to evil.
For the wicked shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land. Psalm 37:7-9
It wasn't easy to follow the script. Do not fret--the word fret is an interesting one-it means to worry at something until it starts to unravel. It's easy to do this when I have a problem. I want to figure out what went wrong and I want to fix it NOW. Instead, God asked me to wait patiently and see what God planned to do.
Honestly, the not fretting wasn't the hardest part. It was far more difficult to refrain from anger. This is is the part where I stop mid-scene and say, "Excuse me, Mr. Director, but this can't be right. I've been wronged! My life has been turned upside down. These people hurt my wife, the love of my life. I'm sure there should be something here about me kicking their door down and kicking some butt. Tell you what, I'll toe the line on the not fretting part if you'll let me ad lib on the anger bit. Maybe just a little jab here and there."
Of course, God just said, "Let's stick to the script. Vengeance is mine. I'll take care of it."
The great thing is, I'm ok with that. I chose to let God have the situation and I have been wonderfully at peace in the midst of the whirlwind.
Through all this I've learned an even greater lesson--God is in control and Godis good. All the time! We repeat this every Sunday as we gather for worship, but I can say that I know it's true in a deeper way. I had planned to continue at my job until after my wife finished her degree and 2 years of chaplaincy training. God intended for me to go back to school a little sooner. I had planned to stay where we were living for a few more years, God had a better place for us. I had planned to rationalizwe staying at a job where I was hindered, held back, and continually undermined. God intended something better for me. I'm even confident that God has something in mind to provide for my tuition.
Of course, I say all this with the benefit of distance from the day I was asked to leave my job(I'm putting it politely) and told I needed to vacate our apartment in 2 weeks. My wife and I are no longer living in hotels, with our possessions scattered around the Kansas City metro area. Buit even in the midst of that God gave me a script to follow:
"Be still before the LORD, and wait patiently for him;
do not fret over those who prosper in their way,
over those who carry out evil devices.
Refrain from anger, and forsake wrath.
Do not fret--it leads only to evil.
For the wicked shall be cut off,
but those who wait for the LORD shall inherit the land. Psalm 37:7-9
It wasn't easy to follow the script. Do not fret--the word fret is an interesting one-it means to worry at something until it starts to unravel. It's easy to do this when I have a problem. I want to figure out what went wrong and I want to fix it NOW. Instead, God asked me to wait patiently and see what God planned to do.
Honestly, the not fretting wasn't the hardest part. It was far more difficult to refrain from anger. This is is the part where I stop mid-scene and say, "Excuse me, Mr. Director, but this can't be right. I've been wronged! My life has been turned upside down. These people hurt my wife, the love of my life. I'm sure there should be something here about me kicking their door down and kicking some butt. Tell you what, I'll toe the line on the not fretting part if you'll let me ad lib on the anger bit. Maybe just a little jab here and there."
Of course, God just said, "Let's stick to the script. Vengeance is mine. I'll take care of it."
The great thing is, I'm ok with that. I chose to let God have the situation and I have been wonderfully at peace in the midst of the whirlwind.
Monday, May 01, 2006
Business
Came into work this morning and was quickly confronted with a number of problems--door locks not working, $230 repairs needed to our car, an antiquated HVAC system that doesn't work--I'm sure everybody has mornings like this. I was getting caught up in the rush when I realize how often I do this and the next thing I know, the day has flown by and I've not spent much time interracting with the people around me, telling my wife I love her, and maybe the worst of all, I've exhausted myself fixing everything and don't have the time or energy to invest in our relationship as I should. I need to change. I want to be less caught up with fixing everyting and to invest myself more in building relationships, growing, and especially in being the husband I know I am called to be.
I do really well in my busi-ness, I think that's the problem. I'm good at what I do. I fix things--policies, procedures, doors, machines, programs--but I don't always do so well with people. My busi-ness is all about me. It feeds my ego to be able to fix things, to make things run more smoothly, to clean up other people's messes and make sure I let people know that I did it.
What to do? How do I proceed? I'm tempted to ask how to fix this, but truth is that I know I can't. I've tried and I've succeeded for a short time in the past--devotions, retreats, books, even counseling-- but it never lasts.
What I'm realizing more and more is that it's a process and one I'm not in control of; rather God is, whether I want God to be or not.
Script-ures
The first passage that comes to mind is the story of Mary and Martha. (Luke 10:38-42) You know the one--Mary sits at Jesus feet listening while Martha busts her hump getting the house ready for guests. Naturally, Martha complains and Jesus tells Mary to get with it. Wait a minute, that's not how it goes. Jesus tells Martha that Mary is doing the right thing. That's it, not a good word for Martha, no commendation for her hard work and dedication to be a good hostess, which by the way was and is far more important in the Middle East than it is for us today; just a rebuke that she is concerning herself with everything but the one thing. Ouch!!! Wait a minute Jesus, how am I supposed to get anything done? What about the doors? I mean we're doing good work here, helping families whose children are in the hospital by giving them a place to stay, free meals, the opportunity to stay close to their sick child. Surely you don't want me to just drop everything and let the house go to pot while I just sit at your feet. What gives?
Another scripture comes to mind--Matthew 6:25-34 where it says (I'm paraphrasing) not to worry about food, clothing, or shelter, but to seek first God's kingdom and righteousness and God will provide all these things for you. It ends with an admonition not to worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble of it's own. That I can easily agree with even if I do not always manage not to worry about tomorrow. Back to the not worrying about food, clothing, shelter... . Do Martha's worries fall under this as well? Do mine?
I do really well in my busi-ness, I think that's the problem. I'm good at what I do. I fix things--policies, procedures, doors, machines, programs--but I don't always do so well with people. My busi-ness is all about me. It feeds my ego to be able to fix things, to make things run more smoothly, to clean up other people's messes and make sure I let people know that I did it.
What to do? How do I proceed? I'm tempted to ask how to fix this, but truth is that I know I can't. I've tried and I've succeeded for a short time in the past--devotions, retreats, books, even counseling-- but it never lasts.
What I'm realizing more and more is that it's a process and one I'm not in control of; rather God is, whether I want God to be or not.
Script-ures
The first passage that comes to mind is the story of Mary and Martha. (Luke 10:38-42) You know the one--Mary sits at Jesus feet listening while Martha busts her hump getting the house ready for guests. Naturally, Martha complains and Jesus tells Mary to get with it. Wait a minute, that's not how it goes. Jesus tells Martha that Mary is doing the right thing. That's it, not a good word for Martha, no commendation for her hard work and dedication to be a good hostess, which by the way was and is far more important in the Middle East than it is for us today; just a rebuke that she is concerning herself with everything but the one thing. Ouch!!! Wait a minute Jesus, how am I supposed to get anything done? What about the doors? I mean we're doing good work here, helping families whose children are in the hospital by giving them a place to stay, free meals, the opportunity to stay close to their sick child. Surely you don't want me to just drop everything and let the house go to pot while I just sit at your feet. What gives?
Another scripture comes to mind--Matthew 6:25-34 where it says (I'm paraphrasing) not to worry about food, clothing, or shelter, but to seek first God's kingdom and righteousness and God will provide all these things for you. It ends with an admonition not to worry about tomorrow, for each day has enough trouble of it's own. That I can easily agree with even if I do not always manage not to worry about tomorrow. Back to the not worrying about food, clothing, shelter... . Do Martha's worries fall under this as well? Do mine?
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